Dismantling desire: Do We Actually Want to Feel Good or Do We Want the Status Associated With Looking Fit and Healthy?
I recently read in a book about business that all sales are based on selling people the status they’re seeking (hopefully its obvious that this is extremely simplified and paraphrased). Status is not something I spend a lot of conscious time on, so it has given me a lot to think about. The question I keep coming back to is do we want to feel good or do we want the status associated with looking fit and healthy?
I think most of us ultimately want both. But the paths there will differ depending on which is MORE important. This may be a “the chicken or the egg” situation: if we already feel pretty good in our bodies, we may chase aesthetics and status. And if we look decent, but feel bad, do we chase that good feeling? This is an interesting and delicate topic. As someone who has had multiple bouts of long-term chronic pain and discomfort, I am biased towards chasing feeling good in my body. I also happen to be genetically lucky- I fit societal ideals in enough ways to have the “status” of a healthy, fit-looking body. Most of my physical struggles are invisible: chronic joint pain as a kid and chronic headaches, neck pain and repeated concussions as an adult. None of which is easily observable or identifiable to an outside observer.
Let’s get into this. It may seem like I am splitting hairs, but we have been so deeply conditioned that it takes deep dissection to reorient ourselves and our values. So, what IS the status of, say, a flat stomach? In other words, what do we subconsciously assume when we see someone with a flat stomach?
A flat stomach implies:
Increased attraction, desirability, sex appeal, and beauty
Increased discipline and control
Possible financial association? Able to afford “health”
Not fat
Do these assumptions collectively suggest an increased value or worth of a person who has a flat stomach? I think the answer, at least subconsciously, is yes. And a person with an increased value is walking around with more social currency.
Are any of these assumptions actually true? Possibly. And here are some other, more accurate, implications of and influences on a flat stomach:
Gut health and diet
Metabolic health
Hormonal health / status - i.e. whether a woman is menstruating, menopausal, pregnant??
The lower belly is space for women’s reproductive organs
These two lists are very different. One is fundamentally based on function and the other on aesthetics, which is a common split in the wellness world. I want to be clear: I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to look good. I do think there is immense value in taking the time to disentangle our beliefs around what looks good and why, and to at least partially separate our health and functionality from our looks.
We are inherently valuable in our existence. A flat stomach does not increase or decrease that value - unless we decide that it does. The way we show up in the world, how we treat people, and how we treat the earth are all immeasurably more valuable than how many abs we have.
It also doesn’t mean that carrying excess body fat does not come with health risks. I am not saying that we just give up our health endeavors for the pursuit of radical body acceptance. I would hope that we could find acceptance in the form of body neutrality and focus more on what we are capable of and recognize our bodies as the vehicles that get us there. They are worth taking good care of and that care could end up looking very different for different bodies at different times.
There IS a status associated with everything we do, it is up to us to decide how we want to participate in that system and how to use that status. Choose wisely!
