You Can't Complete Me
Fair warning: If you are a romantic, this may not be the article for you..
I don’t like the idea that being a part of a couple “completes you” or that someone is your other half. I don’t want to be half. I want to be whole. I am a whole. I am a whole, complete person. What I would like is to spend a whole bunch of time with someone that enriches my wholeness. Maybe someone who adds things that aren’t already a part of my whole, or that boosts and embraces things that are. Or both!
I have a book called Being in Love by Osho that I liberated from a friend’s car a while back. I read a few pages and decided that it really wasn’t for me, so it has been sitting on my shelf ready to be un-liberated and returned to it’s cozy nest in the pocket of the passenger seat. For some reason this book caught my eye last night and instead of inciting the usual, “Oh man, I really should give that back,” I felt inclined to open it:
From Relationship to Relating - Love as a State of Being.
The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you, but it is not. It is an existential truth: only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of the other person- without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other.
Then why do they want to be together? It is no longer a need; it is a luxury. Try to understand it. Real persons love each other as a luxury; it is not a need They enjoy sharing: they have so much joy, they would like to pour it into somebody. And they know how to play their life as a solo instrument.
The solo flute player knows how to enjoy his (her) flute alone. And if he comes and finds a tabla player, a solo tabla player, they will enjoy being together and creating a harmony between the flute and the tabla. Both will enjoy it: they will both pour their richness into each other.
First things first: I didn’t have the slightest clue what tabla was. This is a tabla:
They probably sound great with a flute! If you want the full effect, here’s a tabla cover of the Game of Thrones theme song.
I tried to read on, thinking that if that passage was so relevant and full of great thoughts, reading more must be even better! Wrong. I made it three sentences into the next passage and quickly lost interest again. This book really needs to go back to the 4Runner.
I have a feeling that this may elicit a lot of different feelings, depending on your own situation, so I am just going to leave it here. Maybe it is relevant for you, as it was for me. Maybe not. Maybe you should get to your tabla practice and quit reading silly blogs!
Originally posted May 18, 2017.